What If...

I saw in the news yesterday that Pierce Brosnan's daughter died from ovarian cancer. It's the same cancer that took her mother and her grandmother, both in the prime of their lives. It's also the same cancer that gave me a huge scare earlier this year.

I had gone into my doctor's for my annual exam when she noticed that something didn't feel right. One ultrasound later and it turned out that I had a softball sized cyst on my ovary. The technician and the doctor were surprised I hadn't felt any pain due to its large size; I had no idea that anything like that was growing in my body. The doctor sat me down and explained that it probably was nothing, but there was a chance (albeit a small one) that it was malignant. She sent me for a blood test that began the longest 5 days of my life.

I called my mother and immediately burst into tears. You see, my grandmother (her mother) also had ovarian cancer. They found it when she was undergoing surgery to remove her spleen. This kind of cancer is extremely deadly to women because it's not detected until it's often too late. She lived for 10 more years before it flared again and took her life. I didn't want that to be me.

There was a huge weight on my shoulders. For the longest time, it was only me that I had to worry about, but now there was E. What would happen to him if something happened to me? Thank God I have a wonderful family who would take care of him and raise him like he was their child, but I didn't want to think about having to leave him. I love him, I prayed for him. He is my little boy and I never want to leave him. I had a whole new set of worries to contend with and I was sick with them.

In the end, everything turned out fine. It was benign and removed and everything is back to normal. But reading the article in People had me tearing up thinking about the pain this family is going through (and the pain of anyone who lost a loved one to this terrible disease). Life is short. Grab it and run. I hug my E and kiss him and let him know how much his mama loves him. And if something happens, God forbid, I hope that he remembers the love that I have for him for now and for always.